resonate

I’ve come to some disturbing conclusions regarding scripture these last few months.
The core of these conclusions is wrapped around what most people latch onto, or resonate with as they read stories from scripture. I’ve been hit pretty hard as I’ve discovered my own bias in reading these stories and identifying with some characters at the expense of others.

take the whole chunk of scripture from John 13-19, where Jesus is being set up to be crucified and shares a final supper with his supporters.

I’ve often identified with the ‘disciple that Jesus loved’ who is mentioned many times, but mysteriously…never by name. This guy represents for me a person who knows the love of Jesus for people, and lives in it. His love breeds mutual affection, admiration, willingness to risk without fear of rejection and a deep sense of security and identity.

Then their is Peter; the friend that failed spectacularly. Peter is the man humbled; the one whose pride has been shattered; the guy asking for a second chance because his is sick of sleeping on the couch. He has known intimacy and lost it through fear and failure. By the end of the story, his experience of intimacy with Jesus becomes greater than he had ever known; largely due to his failure and restoration.

I’ve never really resonated with Judas. He was the one who was overtaken by Satan. the heartbreaker. The deciever. The one who was self-obsessed to the point of destruction. Not really many redeeming qualities there.

But as I’ve read this story again, I’ve been struck by Judas. He was the one who was so caught up in himself he couldn’t see how his actions were destructive. He looked to preserve himself, but couldn’t preserve his soul. He seemed possesed by darkness, yet he walked with the light himself. On that last night, it was Judas that Jesus singled out for a special blessing; the bread that had been dipped. Jesus gave him the first communion, declaring his love for him even as he sent him out to begin the betrayal.

I’ve never felt much in common with him before; yet on this reading I’ve never felt more in common with him. He was the one who betrayed his friends. Who chose a self-destructive agenda. Who walked with God yet broke his heart. Whose heart could not be pierced with light because it was postured towards darkness. Who was dearly beloved by Jesus, despite his part in bringing about his death.

Judas shows me there is very little distant between darkness and light.
I’ve realized how much I have in common with Judas…and how only my pride has hindered me from seeing the similarities.